I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
