Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
