so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
