I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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