I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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