Moan for me like Helen Keller
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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