Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
