I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
