I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
