At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
