Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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