clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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