just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
