Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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