do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize