just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
