it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
