I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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