Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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