i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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