If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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