ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
