Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I checked into jail on foursquare
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
