I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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