your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
