Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
