i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
