is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
