I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
