What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
