I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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