This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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