it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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