Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
