we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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