Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
