I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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