Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
