I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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