You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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