put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
