U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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