i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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