Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
