You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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