Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
