Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
