Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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