I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
