Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
