Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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