at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
