Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everclear isn't food dammit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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