My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
