jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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