Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
