peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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