There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
