wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
