Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
